some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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