I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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