im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
