I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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