I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
