I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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