Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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