dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
