I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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