All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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