I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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