I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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