hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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