I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
