hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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