he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
