No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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