i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
