I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
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A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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