I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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