I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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