I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
