My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
