He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
