you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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