my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
