so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
