just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
