Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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