were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
