I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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