Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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