My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
