Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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