No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
