Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
