it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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