She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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