he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
