He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
