im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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