His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
