Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
