You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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