you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Randomize
