So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
