Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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