He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
