i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
