...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
