For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
