Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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