what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
