history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
