12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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