Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
