Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
