that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
