I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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