He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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