well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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