every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
