We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
