note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
