Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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