i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
