Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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