I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
