Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ass is underappreciated
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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