Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
