Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
