totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
