Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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